"Let's Agree to Disagree"

I've spent a considerable amount of time in forums debating.  Forums about religion, politics and photography (which, I submit is a more sensitive subject than either of the other two).  I've noticed some patterns.  The majority of people have a breaking point in a discussion.  A point beyone which they will not venture.  This is the point where instead of just A) Demonstrating they're right, B) Admitting they're wrong, C) Leaving the discussion, or D) Saying "I don't know, I'll have to look into that," they start to cry inside and feelings of offense start to well up in their general chestal area.  When this happens, phrases like, "Let's just agree to disagree," and "You're not going to convince me, and you've obviously made up your mind," and "It's a free country, and I'm entitled to my opinion," and "You don't have to be so judgmental/rude" start to appear.  I should mention that I have this emotional limit, too, but I tend to make jokes, or just leave the forum instead of getting all defensive and weepy.  This is what I want to talk about.

There is some crazy stuff out there.  There are some crazy people.  There are elements and institutions in the world that have many sides, and even some sides we don't see.  Our worldview is largely shaped by what is in our immediate vicinity.  Our parents, our friends, our plans and hobbies, the radio and TV.  The internet.  To say that CNN covers every relevant piece of news there is in the world at any given time is just not reasonable to assume...especially when they spend whole weeks covering the death of hardly-famous celebrities who died predictably after decades of hard drug use.  My mom doesn't follow politics, but she taught me some great things about morality.  I have to go to many sources to get everything I want or need.  I understand that some people have siblings who are gay, while others don't.  Some people have one parent, others have two, or none, or five.  Some people have done drugs; some haven't.  All our circumstances and experiences color our worldview.  It is NOT my opinion that any of these things color the TRUTH.  No matter what angle I look at it or argue, and no matter how many times my sisters teased me as a child, gravity still exists.  Richard Simmons is still really bizarre, and the Earth revolves around the Sun.  Just like it did when the world thought it didn't.

But while we disagree, we can accept that sometimes we're wrong and best way to learn about the truth is to find out for ourselves.  But there are some things we don't know that we don't know.  In which case it can be helpful for someone to tell us about their point of view.  And it's ok not to believe it.  And it's ok to apply some scrutiny to those ideas, and put them through the ringer a bit.  And when someone does this to your ideas, and you reach the end of reason, and you start to feel bad because you know what you believe but can't explain it further, it's time to say, "I don't know what else to say about this, but because I have an interest in knowing the truth, I'm willing to investigate."

I already know that I live in a free country.  And don't argue that I don't respect your right to your opinion and speech, because I'm not taking away that right.  I'm exercising mine, and enjoying yours.  The purpose of ammendment 1 is not to give us the right to be polite and avoid these conversations.  You can do that all you want in the most oppressive dictatorships.  The purpose is so we can say exactly how we feel about anything we want, and be passionate in those expressions.  If our politicians would be more willing to do that, we would, in my opinion (which I'm entitled to, so don't take away my rights by disagreeing), make our nation much better off.  Expressing ourselves vocally or in print is an exercise which requires practice and effort, and if you get fatigued, just rest. 

I already know we disagree.  And I already know you're not going to be instantly converted to my opinion just because I spoke it.  In fact, this never ever happens in a debate situation.  What does happen, is people go away from the discussion reviewing it in their mind, which either inspires research, or prompts the sudden, retrospective appearance of "what I wish I said," which makes your opinion stronger, and more solid.  We don't need to agree to disagree, because even if we disagreed to disagree, it wouldn't make any difference.  We still disagree.  Either way. 

Of course I've made up my mind.  If I hadn't made up my mind, we wouldn't have had this discussion.  But making up your mind is not final.  Minds can change.  If I discuss something and someone presents an idea that makes a lot of sense, or shows me some convincing evidence, then I would be a fool not to either do my homework to verify the evidence, or accept the information.  But just because you haven't made any points doesn't mean I'm closed-minded or set in my ways.  I'm just waiting for you to say something I can use.

Stating my opinion and backing it up is not rude.  Just because you feel bad, or feel stupid, doesn't mean it's because I said something rude or condescending.  There are far too many people who view disagreement as grounds to take offense.  It is precisely because of this that our culture is so concerned with politenes that we call people who disagree bigots, haters, quacks, un-American, etc.  Instead of just making your case, it's much easier and more emotionally gratifying to dismiss and villify people and their opinions.  I have something to say.  If it makes you feel bad, why don't you go sit on the toilet and do some introspection to figure out why exactly it made you feel that way?

We live in a world where there's a lot going on.  And some of it is important.  And if you have decisions to make, like who to vote for, it's important that you have as many of the facts as you can get your proverbial hands on.  It's important to ask hard questions and expect some hard resistance.  Plato taught us that people will fight to stay in the cave.  So set your sights on the light and do what it takes to follow it.  Because trust, even if you can resist them, there will be other people on the outside interested in keeping you in.  There's nothing wrong with learning.  With  having an opinion.  And we both have a responsibility to express that opinion if we want it to be educated with scrutiny, and if we want others to know what we know.